Fears of a First Time Blogowner

Aiden Bordner — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 10:12:00 -0700

It’s official, I’ve joined the blogosphere™

I’m excited to have my own plot of land with an exit from the information super highway (and it was dirt cheap, too), and pleased how easy it was to furnish that tract with my very own blog.

Yet, there’s a certain lump in my throat and queasiness in my stomach.

Does my ownership of a blog now mean I’m doomed to end up just like my friends?

For those who haven’t already guessed (or also blog) I’m referring to the blog-owner habit of airing one’s grievances with another friend (usually also a blogger) in the blog, under disguise, rather than in person.

Let’s be honest here. We’ve all done it. Even me.

The blogger obstensively resides in the realm of the journalist as they begin writing. “Hey,” she may proclaim to herself, “it’s not really about him, it’s an observation, documented to be shared with my throngs of adoring fans who read my RSS feeds daily!”

But delve, and the truth is there. The blogger knows that the person who is being dished will read the post. In fact, it’s written specificly so that they will find it. The real reason for the decision now lies uneasy, just below the writer’s better judgement, with a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.

“Don’t worry about the consequences, she deserves it. This will teach her a lesson,” says the devil.

“Yes, perhaps. But shouldn’t you mention this in person rather than lying in wait for them to see it?” replies the angel.

“What’s the fun in that?” the devil quarrels. “What, I’m supposed to make my quippy remarks in person? That always blows; the no one is around to hear them! This way my interpersonal jabs are documented for life!”

“But shouldn’t you think more about the other person’s feelings than your righteousness or posterity as an internet humorist?” murmurs the angel.

“Screw off, fairy,” the devil spits back, “if I wanted to be nice I wouldn’t have started a blog.”

And at this, the angel is dead. The devil has grown three times his size and you’re halfway through the post. It won’t be long before his horns get through the thick layer of better judgement above. At that point, there is no turning back.

Those of you with blogs know this is the truth. LiveJournal is a veritable minefield of unwilling IM transcriptions and pseudo-poetic rants questioning the remains of a real-life friendship.

This stuff does damage!

Think of the hundreds of people every day who commit digital hari kari, strapping a suicide bomb to their MySpace profile or blog and tearing their digital persona out of the web’s netting forever!

Ok, well… maybe just for a couple of months. And certainly not before going out in a “I’m leaving because this place has become so cruel!” ball of fire.

It seems to be the nature of blog-land.

So I ask myself, am I doomed to repeat these mistakes of my adolescence? Will I join my comrades in petty track-backs and endless 2 AM tearing-ups?

Probably. I’m doing it right now. But I’m hoping I can stick to much less destructive and time-honored second blogger tradition:

Horribly prosaic self loathing.

Power & Light: Category Bad Prose

Fears of a First Time Blogowner